heh heh...Buy my construction paper! Suckers!
Saturday, October 5, 2002
05:54 p.m.
You Have a Round Ass!
All the guys think that you're a cutie.
That's thanks to your ghetto booty.
You've got a ass that looks like it's black.
And color doesn't matter, because baby got back.
What Ass Do *You* Have??Appropriate mood title?
Sunday, October 6, 2002
05:16 a.m.
Reflective might be the best. I'm in a state of pondering. I'm not sure what spurred it. Probably Chris, in some way or form-it usually is.
I've been thinking about teaching. While I know this is what I want to do, is it something that I can proudly tell Mom one day that I'm doing? Will she be supportive? I know that she loves me, and she wants what is best for me, but it is for this very reason that I fear it.
Also, there is Chris. I know that we aren't dating, we don't have any set titles-this is a nice thing. However, I believe we -do- have a very special relationship, in any sense of the word. I know that I care about him a great deal. I know that I want to be honest about it. I know that this terrifies me. I know that this -isn't- part of the "rules." I was somewhat in awe of him when I first met him, and still am, though for different reasons. I "met" him through reading his online journal, though not knowing who the fuck he was. I must say, this summer there was some fucked up shit on there. Quite a frightening character if you don't know him enough to realize his spirit. Because of this journal, we started talking online. He pushed me to reality on quite a few issues. It was necessary. I knew before I met him in person that I was going to fall hard for him. But I met him anyway, against my better judgement. Lovely that it started as a purely sexual relationship. I must say, it was incredible! We had a great time hanging out, and I met a lot of his friends. I enjoy all of their company immensely, and we spent a lot of time together. So to make a long story slightly less long, I did fall for him. That was a mistake. He didn't like this idea, probably not anymore than I did. Difference being, I adjusted to the thought of it. He didn't. So he set it quite straight that we were not dating, one because I wasn't ready for it after dealing with some painful closure, and two because he couldn't handle it. I understood, but it hurt.
Here comes the part where I come across as F or just decidedly feminine. So I know we're not dating, and that it won't happen. I'm not upset about this. But I still get jealous and hurt when he comes and talks to me about other girls, and why he read the signs wrong that they wanted to sleep with him. I still get that goofy stoopid smile on my face when he ims me for no apparent reason. I still love to know that I've made him smile, or laugh, or even something as simple as helping him sleep well. I still feel loved when he notices my mood changes, and comments on them. And I still feel guilty when other guys hit on me. Lame, right?
So I feel like the pragmatic thing to do would be to pull away from him, and get a grip on this feeling, and banish it, or neatly tuck it away. That's a really hard thing to do though when you just want both of you to be happy. The question comes then of what will make us both happiest? Would it be beneficial to us to be more apart than we are already? Or would it be more of a sacrifice than it is really worth. The question is not, however, if I want a relationship from him. I don't. I don't do relationships. I'm not good at them. But I want calm and order in my life. I don't know if that will come completely devoid of Chris, or come of spending drama-minimum time with him. He would say that if it's causing this much thought, then the best thing would be to take it away. But even though he needs to have strict control on his emotions to remain logical and uncomplicated, I would like to believe that he indeed, does care a great deal for me, if not even entering the realm of that l-word that we all make too great of a deal over.
On top of that, there are issues with other friends. I love to be able to listen and be there for them with their problems, but I want results! Do something about what you know is right! I love you, and want you happy, so do what you KNOW will make you happy, not some predetermined judgement of what will do this. I say, let each situation be its own. Deal with each as necessary. Don't do something with a new experience that you did with a previous similar one, just because you must remain the same.
Hey, I love anyway, even when it's confusing and when it hurts. It's worth it. So now, as it approaches 6 am on a Sunday, I believe I will pass out.
Goodnight.
Wow, since when was this so appropriate?
Friday, October 4, 2002
03:19 p.m.
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life.
I'm walking away to find a better day.
Sometimes some people get me wrong when it's something
I've said or done. Sometimes you feel there is no
thought That's why you turn and run. But now I truly
realize some people don't wanna compromise. Well I saw
them with my own eyes, spreading those lies. And I
don't wanna live my life with too many sleepless
nights. Not mentioning the fights. I'm sorry to say
baby(lady).
Well I'm so tired baby. The things you say, you're
driving me away. Whispers in the powder room baby,
Don't listen to the games they play.
I thought you'd realize, I'm not like them other guys.
I saw them with my own eyes. You should've been more
wise.
Thursday, October 3, 2002
04:46 p.m.
You are a siren.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
Yay...mostly!
Thursday, October 3, 2002
04:42 p.m.
take the what amusing entity are you? quiz by kimburk
-Am- I kinky?
Wednesday, October 2, 2002
01:40 p.m.
You Are a Vanilla Vixen!
You may enjoy sex, but you are missing out!
If your kinkiest lingerie is from Vickie's Secret, and your most scandalous
encounter was a weekend at a bed and breakfast,
you're probably not fulfilling your deeper fantasies because you're too shy to try.
Are *You* Kinky? Click Here to Find Out!
Monday, September 30, 2002
06:22 p.m.
What Sort of Romantic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Song
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Elton John
It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
Fuck your silly quizzes!
Monday, September 30, 2002
06:18 p.m.
What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at artificial-soul.net by Rin.
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